You may look at me, look at my posts and think... hah, this girl. Judge me, and think i'm Just another girl obsessed with her workouts, her supplements, her fitness lifestyle, and keep scrolling on, but what you don't see is why I am this way, and what I've fought through to get here. Some of you may know my story, some of you may not. Today I am feeling like opening up, revisiting MY STORY, and letting you see a glimpse into WHO I am.
This is how my story and my relationship with health and fitness became my passion in life.
I always knew who I was. I always knew what I wanted out of life. I always knew what I deserved. Somewhere along the way, I got a little lost. We all do some times right? What we don't all struggle and battle with on a daily basis is some form of depression and anxiety. There are two things I have learned for certain: 1. More people battle with some form of mental illness (depression, anxiety, bi-polar, manic/depressive etc..) more than we even realize. 2. A sure fire way to set your life a blaze is to surround yourself with toxic people, and poor decisions. The combination of the two in my life, really truly 100% has made me the person I am today. I am a firm believer that it's not the situation that makes you who you are, but the way you handle such heart wrenching situations in life.
All of this is not something I ENJOY sharing with others, but it's a HUGE reason for the way I am, and the person that I am.
After high school, I found myself hanging with some rough crowds. Doing rough crowd types of things. In the struggle to find myself, I ended up losing myself. I have always battled depression and anxiety. When I ended up finding myself in some pretty dysfunctional relationships, my life continued to spiral downward, out of control almost. So did my depression and anxiety, and the way I felt about myself. Fast forward a few years, I was on my flight back to the United States from Canada, and going through my 2nd divorce. (Whooop there it is.) I had hit an all time low, rock bottom. But I knew it was time to pick up the pieces and FIGHT for a life I wanted, and DESERVED. I knew the choices I was making wouldn't bring me any happiness, and it was time to FIGHT FOR ME. So that's exactly what I did. I was tired of running. I was tired of eating to avoid the real problem. I was tired of the sadness I felt everyday, because I KNEW I was responsible for my own happiness. I had ups and downs, good days, and sucky days. But the ONE THING that made me feel better, was being in the gym. Every. Single. Morning. at 6 am. By this time, I was finally starting to not be so sad, not be so anxious, and I was HAPPY AGAIN. Not only was this helping my mental and emotional state... I was losing weight. Like alot of weight. I managed to drop 43 pounds in about 6 months. 43 pounds of sadness, anger, and dead weight that I didn't need anymore.
I remember this picture all too well... I tried to hide the sadness, but you can't hide from your own eyes... after all, the eyes are the windows to the soul.
I was waking up at 5 am to make it to the gym PUMPED AND READY to go.. most mornings SUCKED but I RARELY missed a day.
I told myself that I didn't need a guy to make me happy... and that I was going to "do me" for a LONNGGGGGGGG time..... I don't need any one to worry about, besides myself!!! Why go on dates when you can lift weights???
Then I met Cade.
He is perfect for me.
I continued to work hard, even after we got married, and got in the best shape OF MY LIFE. I had serious abs, I was lifting massive amounts of weight, and Cade supported me ALWAYS.
Now...... we had twins. 4 months ago. My body is slightly alot different than what it used to be just a year ago. I haven't been able to workout much, and have had to get back onto some medication for my depression/anxiety. My goal is to be able to get off my medication, and to be able to manage on my own through diet and exercise. I know it can be done, because i've done it. In the worst times of my life, I DID IT. I can do it again.
When I think about what makes me feel empowered and strong, and capable of this fight of life.. I LOVE to kickbox. I used to do it all the time, and it was the ONE HOUR of the day I felt completely in control of the things in life that I knew I couldn't control. (if that makes any sense....) I love how it makes me feel. So guess what.. after all this time..... I ordered it.
SO why does this picture mean so much to me????
BECAUSE I am ready to FIGHT for myself again. I won't run away, I will face my life head on, and be confident in knowing I CAN DO THIS!
I want all of you reading this....... to know.... that you CAN overcome any obstacle in life. All it takes is someone to believe in you, and for you to believe in YOURSELF. I've shared my story..... I want to hear YOURS. Get a hold of me if this helped you in any way shape or form, and lets chat. <3
XOX
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