I got up to go to the bathroom (first of all, I am seriously impressed by how much my bladder can hold now that there aren't 2 babies standing on it haha) and I looked down at my phone, and saw the cutest hoodie on an ad on Facebook..... For those that know me, know I have a hoodie addiction. Anyways, I saw this hoodie, and right away remembered the time that I could ROCK a hoodie like that and look DAYUMMM good... I got up, and decided enough is enough. I'm tired of feeling this way, so I need to change that. No one can change it for me. So I guess it's time to share my story. Like I said in the beginning, our stories change just like we and our life evolves.. So here we go. I've shared my story before, about my divorce, toxic relationships, overeating to feel better, gaining weight, then after my divorce, losing it all and then some, and kicking ass at life......
.....but I'm not here to relive the past, because my story has evolved, and is now my new normal.
When i found out we were expecting twins, I thought to myself, "I'm gonna be the healthiest pregnant lady, and I'm gonna workout, and be freaking fit, and not lose my good habits I've worked so hard at." HAHAHAH! Yeah right. I was so sick, almost the ENTIRE pregnancy, and when I was able to eat, i didn't care because if i wanted it, and I was able to keep it down, i ate it. There were a few months of no throwing up, and i ate everything in sight. I pretty much put myself of modified bed rest, and honestly, I know that's the reason we made it all the way to 34 weeks.
I had a rough week before the babies actually came due to preterm labor, and a SCARY SCARY reaction to the medicine they give you to stop contractions. I honestly believe the only way I am here today, is by the power of prayer, and priesthood blessings. Then, the next week the babies came! And let me just say..... C-sections..... Learning how to walk again pretty much is the hardest and most painful thing I've probably ever done in my whole life. The babies were in the NICU for 12 days while they learned how to eat on their own, and pack on a few lbs!
I have struggled with postpartum depression since that first month, and honestly it has kicked my butt in more ways than one. I have had to learn how to think differently, and realize that things are okay! I am on medication, which in the past, I've been on before. I was able to get off my medication in the past because I was working out, eating healthy, and taking care of MYSELF. I'd like to be able to do that again.
Us moms are amazing. Never before have I put myself on the back burner to the extent of not showering, not eating, and not taking care of myself because of the needs of someone else. But guess what... It's time for me to be selfish. Because what happens when i burn out? When I get too depressed? My family suffers. It's my time now.
The babies are 6 months old, and i finally am just now feeling like I barely know what I am doing. The babies are sleeping through the night, and so am I, so the time is NOW.
I'm ready to feel better. Mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. This may sound vain to some of you, but I'm gonna be real.... I want to be THAT MOM that people talk to and think... "There's no way that two babies came out of you!" I know I can do it, i am tough, smart, motivated and ready to kick buttttttt. If I'm gonna be able to keep up with two toddlers soon.... I gotta be at the top of my game ;)
Will it be easy? Heck no. Will it be worth it? 100% YESSSSSS.
You go girl!
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